ok... OK!

When God spoke the word to Joe and I at the start of 2010 that this would be a year of new beginnings... we had NO idea how right that was going to be!!
Some have asked why I stopped blogging... life was just too confusing, too much depth to the emotions and changes that we ourselves are just finally feeling like we're getting back on 'top' of it all...
I have to say that when we came back there were some tough questions in our minds... sometimes even feeling like God had abandoned us, feeling as though missions in general was a big crock, etc... yep, pretty strong emotions and not ones we wanted to work through on a public forum! We still struggle with our adjustment to this 'new' life we have... but God has been ever faithful to put people and situations in our lives to give enough encouragement just when we needed it. Living in Wasilla has been a change for us 'small town' folks, so figuring out connecting w/ others when we already feel like we have barely enough energy to make it through the day... well, it's been a bit tough! But we are encouraged by our churchs' Fresh Start program and are slowly getting to know a few people here and there. The kids thankfully have made friends here and there through their various activities. I had to laugh today to have Tyler (who is 7) get his friends number after gym class. Then later he took the initiative and called and chatted w/ him for a good 15 minutes!
In other news I finally got my Alaska midwifery license! (Just in time to take maternity leave!) lol... jk. I am still working and plan to right up until I deliver.... though my boss at this point only calls me to the 'easy' births...
Speaking of births... we have just entered the 'I'm so ready to be done w/ this' stage... though technically I could still go another couple weeks (God forbid!). Joe says he thinks the baby will come on Friday.... if he's wrong... hmmmm...
Our homeschooling is in full swing, though I have yet to add our science curriculum... guess I better hurry since the first unit is on leaves and stuff outside... and pretty soon the snow will fly to cover those leaves! We are already down to freezing at night and not even reaching 60 in the day... .brrrr!
We know the inevitable is coming... winter... but I am just NOT ready for the blowing cold winds... good thing I'll have a snuggly little excuse to stay inside! :) Too bad kids will still need run to their various activities! And then there is those middle of the night calls for births... I told Joe what I really wanted for Christmas was remote start on my car!!! That way my car can be warming up while I get in my scrubs!
Well, it's that dinner hour... and though I'm not cooking, I do need to go taste test!!!
Jenn
p.s. For those who have asked me for preggo pics... sorry, I HATE my pic taken when I'm like this... so... there is only one... and it's located at www.matsumidwifery.com Enjoy! lol

Update

Well, it's been awhile! (Again!) Alaskan summer is upon us (course its currently raining... hmmm), but we are in full swing of activities! Joziah is currently off at an 8 day boy scout camp... his first time really away from home! Yikes! Tonia is enjoying her new horse (I can't remember if I mentioned we got an amazing deal on a horse for her)... Joe has been busy clearing the back property in order to fence in for the horse (it is currently boarded too far of a drive away!)... I am working up a storm, or so it seems. We have been slightly short staffed at work and so we pretty much alternate every other birth going to... sadly we have had a more than usual transport rate lately... :( Our stats last year were only 12 transports in 187 births! Not so for this month!
Anyway, besides that depressing part, I love my job...the ladies I work with are amazing and the care given to women during their pregnancies is something I love!
It's definitely been an adjustment for the kiddos with both mom and dad working... sometimes we alternate, but sometimes both of us are gone... this is a new thing for them and some struggle more than others. We have been blessed that Joe's sister has come to live with us before she heads off to college, so it's been a big help to just have someone help keep the system rolling. She found out I love mexican food so she makes that once a week which is yummy!!! (and a great blessing to find dinner prepared when I come home from work!)
The littlest Germain is still growing steady... after having some low platelet issues in early pregnancy, my boss kicked my butt into eating healthier and taking supplements... so now my platelets are well within normal range! (this significantly decreases my risk of bleeding at the birth)... so... 3 more months! I'm sure it's going to fly by!
I know there is lots more to tell, but that's it for now... and I can't seem to get pictures to go from my camera to my blog, only facebook... so, until I get my camera back, you'll have to deal with no pictures (or find them on my fb)!
:) Jenn

Hey! What happened to MAY?

Wow... life in America is SO fast paced! May has flown by and I'm not sure what happened, but I know June is fast approaching! Since May sped by... I will just speed through some highlights of the month.
-Joe worked down in S. Anchorage for a week... it was a good job, but nice to have him home!
-His business seems to be taking off pretty well... busy is good, right?
-I got a job at a local birth center and have begun my training there. We're doing a trial run for the summer and then if it's a good fit then I'll join the staff full time.
-I have been continuing to LOooonG paper trail to get my AK midwifery license.... blah is how I feel about it at this moment... seems just when I think I'm close....
-Kids 'summer' activities are in full swing. Tonia continues w/ her horse riding lessons (meaning mom runs her to and from the barn frequently)... Joziah is loving boy scouts and I am sure when I pick him up from his first camp out today he will have many adventures to tell me. This campout was just an overnight, but he is scheduled for an 8 day outing this summer... it'll be his first time camping w/o family/friends!
-We took a week break this past week from school, and I'm sure it will take me this week to switch over into our new curriculum, but hoping to start back to school in a week or two... (I'm sure the kids are thrilled... lol)
-Joe left today for another week... this one isn't paid though (DARN)... but his little sis is graduating from high school and he is bringing her back w/ him to live w/ us for awhile. It'll be a HUGE help to have a live in sitter! Relieves a bit of pressure from Joe and I to be sure!
-The baby continues to grow... though I get told I am tiny for my gestational age... (bless those people!)... but working around midwives constantly... they don't cut me any slack w/ eating/drinking healthy!! I've had to resort to sneaking my peanut m&m's at night! :)

Well that's the update for now... I actually have a camera on my phone... I just have to figure out how to load them to here!

Ah the joys of being pregnant!

I was having one of those moments tonight where I was reflecting on how good God is... and how he meets each NEED we have just at the right moment... and I felt happy... happy enough that I almost cried! lol... I used to say that God planned so many children for me because the only time I cried was when I was pregnant! lol... maybe so...
Updates on our ever chaotic life...
Joe is getting his business off the ground... making 'just' enough to pay the necessary bills at the moment... but at least our needs are being met!
I made some really good contacts for midwifery... so hopefully will get back in that scene sometime soon...
I am waiting ONE document to be able to finish up my midwifery licensure for Texas... praying it comes before my CPR expires and I have to take another class!!!
Kids are loving all their extra curricular activites... I'm realizing why American moms are so exhausted!!!... (running children to their various activities!)
On a random side note... my 5 yr old just made our 14 wk old (and 50+ lb) Mastiff puppy lay down on command! lol...
And then our 7 yr old teased her w/ his stuffed bear... yeah... that'll be toast by tomorrow! (I TOLD them NOT to tease the dog w/ their stuffed animals! ;P)
I am listening to my children ready themselves for bed at the moment... and I love how each child knows what the OTHER child is supposed to be doing, yet amazingly forgets what THEIR task is! hmmm... guess I should go dictate!

How great is our God?

We have been doing a study at church on being fearless..... of course we all have fears we know about... but really this is about all the fears that lie in the undercurrent, the ones that maybe we don't really acknowledge, never the less they control many aspects of our lives.
Most people who know Joe and I would describe us as pretty fearless... bugs, snakes, living in the jungle... that's all good with us. However... fear has gained control in many areas of my life over the past several years, and it's been an interesting process of revelation and healing.
Awhile back, right after adopting our two kids... slowly a fear crept into my life without me even realizing it... it was a fear of what others think of me. Of course we all have a little bit of that fear in our lives, but this one started becoming bigger and bigger, even being a driving force in my life.... like a tapeworm it was sucking all the nutrition from me (ok, you get the picture)... While this fear grew bigger, so did other fears... (ever notice how that happens?) Once while in counseling in High School, my counselor pointed out to me that I had a perfectionist mentality... I of course had to disagree as I am one of the most disorganized people I know! But it wasn't in the normal way...it was more that I expected absolute perfection of myself in relationships, in meeting other peoples expectations. Of course we can't always meet others expectations, because people are people... and they WILL fail us. However knowing this mentally doesn't always solve the inward driving force inside.
So needless to say, between caring way to much what other people think and striving to meet other peoples expectation... Stress began taking over.... Then to not be able to meet leaders expectations, relationships seeming to fail and being flat out told you are a failure... it kinda shook my world. I came back feeling confused, abandoned, rejected, etc... Where was God in all this mess anyway?! Shame became a seemingly constant companion... shame when I used my food stamps card, shame to ask my sister for help to pay the bills until we got on our feet, even shame that I drive a piece of junk car instead of the nice ones we used to). I was even angry at God... angry that we had given up everything to serve Him, and feeling that we got gyped in return...
Then several weeks ago at church the speaker was admitting his own struggles in the past w/ dibilitating fears... and as each week has gone on and we have delved deeper and deeper into overcoming our fears, I have realized these fears that had taken over my life. And with the realization of the fears, has also come the realization of all the far reaching effects of these fears. I no longer am as open and trusting with new people, I no longer think of the good in people first, I tend to be more stern with my kids and less likely to just have fun... most of all the joy that I've always tended to have for life (my passion and zeal) seemed to have just been sucked right out of me.
Lately I've been thinking and studying... just how great is God anyway? And realizing that He is only limited in my own mind of putting him in a 'box'... of thinking that I have to somehow 'perform' to get his blessings... when in reality, I am only 'performing' for man, which of course brings no satisfaction, only more guilt and shame when we cannot meet everyones expectations all the time. Wouldn't it be awesome to just be free of worrying about man's expectations , to get rid of that as the motivating factor in our lives and only be driven by our love and passion for Christ and EVERYTHING that HE is!?
Phew! It's a lot to think about... peoples lives could be radically changed by this revelation... don't you think? I know mine is....
Sorry if this has confused you, sometimes I still feel confused... but I still stand on the faith that God WILL be faithful and we will see the otherside!
Be Blessed!

PHEW!

As I write this my daughter has just informed me that the third of our little baby bunnies has made it's way out of the nest at night and froze to death.... this tops the wonderful week we've had of kids w/ the flu/diarrhea bug. Our downstairs renters have 7 children and last week they all had this flu/diarrhea bug (which in turn means a LOT of extra laundry...as we share a washer/dryer). We were hoping we would avoid it, but the other day the youngest woke up throwing up, then the next night two more children were puking and pooping... then last night another was added along w/ daddy (who still had to go to work)... currently we have just 3 functionalble help (me, Tonia, and Sam)... and Meggie isn't sick, but is liking to pretend she is sick! So we are entertaining ourselves w/ old home videos of Grandma and Grandpa that are up in heaven w/ Jesus as well as home videos of kiddos when they were little (a great hit!)

On other news... life has been busy w/ getting the paperwork trails started both for me to be licensed in midwifery in the state of Alaska (a very looongg story) and for Joe to start his own business. We realized that if I was going to be able to practice midwifery at all, Joe definitely couldn't be in the cop/security business.... so he started his own handyman business and it seems to be taking off already. We've got rabbits going, both meat and the kids business of small rabbits to sell.... it's a learning experience to deal with cold weather instead of hot weather!

Tonia has been keeping busy w/ her horse riding lessons.... she came to me a few weeks before her birthday and informed me that she wanted a horse, saddle, riding blanket, etc... for her birthday (I informed her to keep dreaming!) She is like most girls her age and obsessed w/ everything horses (dogs come in a close second).

Joziah has joined boy scouts.... and is loving all the fun projects and cool things he learns there. This week (as long as he is feeling better), the troop will be heading to help out at the Air Force base and be victims for the paramedic training. He's hoping they get to have fake blood and everything!

Bri has informed me that he really really wants to be a soldier when he grows up! Somehow we mentioned jr ROTC programs and CAP... he insisted that we look it up and find out how old he has to be... we of course have pointed out that he needs to study hard if he would like to be in those programs (gotta get our digs in when we can!)

Well this seems like a long enough update for now! Please continue to pray for us as we are still adjusting to life back in America!

Just can't stay away!

LOL.... how could I ever think of giving up blogging? Who would I vent to then?!
Yesterday was one of 'THOSE' days... the kind where you wake up wondering if the day is really going to go as bad as you feel... and you go to bed realizing that it went way worse! Seriously I was ready to give up on being a wife, parent, human being... I woke w/ a pounding headache, decided to push through and help get breakfast on for our large crew of hungry kiddos (we were staying at friends house in Homer who have 6 kids, along w/ our 7 that makes 13 kiddos to feed each meal... amazingly it goes well)... Anyway, before breakfast was served I headed about 20 min away to what I thought was a meeting w/ my kids school advisor. Apparently there had been a misunderstanding and she thought I was just dropping reimbursement receipts... so an hour wasted, I headed home. I would have to say at this point my mood was that I wished I could just take that little car and drive, drive, drive.... as if somehow the freedom of the road would make my mind less confused. But of course I love my family and decided they would probably NOT appreciate mommy having some sanity time, so I went back to face the packing and loading ordeal... A couple hours later everyone had pottied, all random stray items had (hopefully) been thrown in the bus and we were off for the drive back to Wasilla. I went to put a movie in the tv/vcr only to discover that it was no longer functioning (Joe thought maybe it was just cold... I have no idea if a cold tv would randomly make it eat video tapes, but whatever)... so of course trying to explain to the younger kids why the tv wouldn't work went over super well... After a stop for lunch in Soldotna and a potty stop in Girdwood... we made it to the other side of Anchorage and were in the final stretch for home.... when my phone rings... It was our downstairs renters, who had been watching our 2 mastiff puppies for us... she hated to tell us, but they had put the dogs upstairs and they had somehow gotten out while she was gone... awaiting us at home was not a pretty site!
2-30 pound puppies loose in a house for hours... one had diarrhea BAD... they have big paws... we have light tan colored couches and carpet everywhere in our house.... The only up side of the story was the kids' bedroom doors were shut! So we went right to work... first picking up the big pieces of chewed this and that... the larger piles of poo, soaking up pee spots... then we brought out or handy dandy carpet steam cleaner.... the hand tool being the only part that was working, but at least we got the major spots cleaned up... Then Joe tore apart the main part and got it working... only to have it break, then fixed, then break... you get the idea... We did manage to get it ALL clean and smelling MUCH better.
We fed kids spaghetti (thank God for quick meals)... put them in bed and after a bit more cleaning sat down to catch our breath. Our two 'innocent' pups were cuddled up w/ me on the couch when suddenly the one who had had the diarrhea stood up and puked... A LOT... all over the top of her sister and the couch.... NICE!! More clean up followed... it continued till late when finally the immodium started to take effect and poor puppy was able to sleep... (meaning mommy n daddy can hopefully sleep!)
This morning I think our kids were realizing what little tirdlets they had been yesterday (we gave them a big lecture on demanding this and that instead of helping out)... Bri woke up and immediately starting putting away dishes (without being asked!)... Sam started washing down counters.... WOW! I had to laugh when their older brother came in and told them "HEY! That's not YOUR chore!"... they told him they were just helping out... he said... "Oh... well it's still not YOUR chore!"... haha... firstborns!
So there we go... today is going much better... the outlook for today is that we WILL survive...