Pondering

Usually as I sit to write a blog, I have something in particular to share... but this time I'm just inspired to write due to a couple of my friends who have blogs and so honestly share what God is doing in there lives... even when it reveals their 'humanness'...
I've said it before that this year was by far the hardest year of our lives... so much tearing out the old, healing, restoring, etc... We have seemingly had to go down to the very foundation of our lives, our marriage, our parenting and try to figure out what solid ground we really had to stand on. We are so humbled when we take a look and realize that we have nothing... N-O-T-H-I-N-G good in us... we are selfish, we are egotistical, we are truly full of yuck! We might fool ourselves into believing we have good intentions, but to be truly selfless means we don't have ulterior motives, we do it not because it feels good in any way, shape or form... but because we are letting God work in and through us... but for that to work... we gotta get rid of a lot of that garbage in us first. This involves work!!! Seriously, there are days when it feels like we would like to just crawl in bed with the covers over us! However, it's like Paul says... 'we keep pressing on towards the prize'... you see... it IS going to be worth it! We ARE being refined! We are being purified like gold. (Course that means we have to go through the fire first!) SO I guess the question is... do we WANT to get to the other side? Do we want to be a better person? Or would we rather just stay in our lives, just the way things are... (like that's working out so great!) So... we continue to make the choice, moment by moment, day by day... to keep on walking, knowing God is stregnthening us enough for this moment, then the next... until eventually we are the beautiful workmanship He has created!
I know in my heart that all we have/are going through is for the good... I KNOW that... but does it feel 'good'... heck no!! But I also don't want to stop mid refining and think that I'm done, I'm
good enough'... no... GOd doesn't call us to be good enough, He calls us to be GREAT!
So... we keep on plugging along, trusting in the ONE who is the Healer and Restorer of our souls!

But I don't WANT to (dang it!)

Imagine if you will... saying that and stomping your foot for emphasis. I recently attended a delivery that when push came to shove (literally), she just took this stance and eventually, we went to the hospital and she ended in a c-section. It was definitely one of those days where I leave wondering why I am a midwife! However... I always ask God to reveal to me what I can learn from my laboring mamas. Nothing came to mind too quick on this one... however by the next morning I found myself at a point of frustration between Joe and I that seems to come up over and over again in our marriage... and I so felt inwardly like stomping my foot and just telling God I just didn't WANT to deal anymore! lol... hmmm... instantly that little conviction light went off! Just like my laboring mom, I could choose to not push through the pain and get my reward, or... I could cop out and miss out on the amazing growth that can take place (if I'm willing!) Anyway, maybe it only makes sense to those who have experienced that moment in birth where it's a choice to push through the pain. (Or maybe you've experienced it in LIFE!)
Anyway.... I like birth, God teaches me many things through it! :) And even after all of this... I still love my job!

Of course....

Joe and I recently agreed to co lead a small core group at our church. The subject... the book of James. In my mind this week was persevering through trials so that we can mature... Hmmm, are little warning bells going off in your head yet? YEah..... so it really just came down to what would be our trial.... we just didn't expect to be hit on so many fronts at once!! Kid issues... attitude problems, laziness, negativity... then came the hit on the financial front... our bus repair cost... $3100.... then w/ in half hour of leaving the shop, it completely dies!!! Argh! The part that most likely needs replaced grand total is like $850... Then my cars radio freaked out... new one $250... sigh. It's been a crazy bad month at work.... lots of transports and not so many births..... I think I forgot what it looks like when a baby comes out naturally!! On another front we've been attacked by the nasty winter yuck bug!!!
However... as I was leaving work... I was singing that song... "Count your blessings, name them one by one" And I was reminded that even though it feels horrible and no one wants to be squeezed or stretched... I really do have hundreds, even thousands of blessings to count. And so I did just that... started naming them out loud... one by one! I could totally see my dad singing that song as he used to when I was growing up...
So, even if you're discouraged today... your kids being a total rebellious brat, your boss is ticked at you, your husband forgot your birthday... whatever... just remember, it's all about what we focus on.
So... I'm off to focus on my childrens homework... love love LOVE IT!!! ;)

Our crazy n strange bunch!

Since I've lacked in the picture department... here you go... all taken since this last summer.

Need I say anything about this picture?

Samking in his eating contest... believe it or not, he didn't win!

Joziah is loving his scouts! Not so much into the winter camping, but looking forward to this summer when they are supposed to go to Hawaii (if he can raise the money that is!)

Sadly... the beautiful school room Joe built doesn't get used much since we put most of the kids in public school... but it still looks cool!

The kids harvested potatoes this last fall. They had a super fun time! (What kid wouldn't when an adult tells you that you can dig in the mud?)

Yeah...not so much a morning person!

Adara... growing up already!

Tonia... growing up waaaay to fast!

My cutie, drooling girl!

Levi holding his guinea pig

So... there you go... a little insight into our world! Every time that I want to whine and complain... I remember the verse to count my blessings... so I name them... Tonia, Joziah, Sam, Brian, Tyler, Meghan, Levi and Adara. And even when I don't feel like it's such a blessing being a mom (and believe me... there are definitely MOMENTS!)... I just try to remember to be thankful for their health and the vibrance they bring to my life! And to just be happy that there is never a dull moment in this life!

Blessings!!

I keep meaning to update this thing... but I guess good intentions just don't get it done! I seem to always be on the wrong computer (the ones w/o the downloaded pictures on them)... but anyway...
We are all alive and well. I continue to work. November and December were crazy busy with most of the time having one of the three midwives gone for this or that... leaving two of us to man the birth center. At one point we had 11 babies in 14 days! Such crazy fun!
January has been MUCH slower, so much so that I actually have had some free time! (I'm not sure what to do with myself when I have free time!) By March it will pick back up to craziness again... we have like 6 women due on the same day the first week of March!
God has been doing so much I wish I had the words to describe... but amazing healing has been taking place and we feel like we are finally to the 'other side' of our grief. It's nice when you can get to the point where you can see God's hand at work, even through all the tough times. Sometimes you can even catch a glimpse as to the why's of it all (though just a glimpse!) We are excited to be it His will... wherever that may lead us.
On the home front... the kids started public school back in early November... it was just too much to try to homeschool all of them and work full time. They have for the most part enjoyed it, though we are hoping to transfer to a charter school next year as I firmly believe that boys need more time to MOVE during the day... one 30 min recess just doesn't cut it for my boys!
Joe continues to work his own business... he stays pretty busy and it's certainly nice to have the flexibility of staying home w/ the baby while I do births (she's getting too big and busy to bring to births!)
Adara seems bound and determined to grow up waaay to fast! I can't complain about the sleeping a 6-8 hr stretch at night, but she seems to think she would like to be mobile already! Thankfully she's not quite yet! She's in this taste everything stage... anything that comes w/in grasp of her little fists goes straight to the mouth!
Well, sorry for the no picture thing... eventually I'll get on the right computer and post pictures!

The first family photo!

Welcome Germain #10!

Adara Josephine arrived on September 29th! All children are completely in love with their new sister... in fact it's a good thing she needs me for her nutritional needs or I might not get to hold her! She's a super easy going baby thus far, even handling her first cold without too much fussiness! She comes to work with me and even has her own bed in the midwives office. All the staff thinks she sleeps too much cause they never get to hold her! I haven't yet gone to a birth since she arrived, but Tonia is anxious for me to... cause she gets to come and babysit. :) Anyway, all is well here... we are recovering from colds and some sort of flu bug, but hopefully it's passed completely now...

And for my midwife friends... here's the quickie version of the birth story.

I started contractions that were more serious around 3 am on the 29th... I hadn't slept pretty much at all that night, so I wasn't really 'in the mood' to be laboring! lol... By 5am I was tired and I sat on the toilet and told God I was just too tired to deal with being in labor and could I please sleep! Amazingly contractions stopped and I was able to get about an hour and a half of sleep before I needed to get up for work. I headed to work with contractions coming intermittently throughout the morning. By lunch my boss insisted on a prenatal that day (and when she insists...) I was 4 centimeters at that point. By 5pm I was definitely tensing up to try to hold the contractions at bay... thus making my back feel horrible. I headed home to try to nap before things kicked into high gear. But having a houseful of kiddos and all the hubbub around dinner and getting them ready for bed wasn't quite condusive to sleeping! By then the contractions were coming every 3-4 minutes, but not really that painful. My boss (and my midwife) had decided that the baby was going to make her appearance that night and so she didn't head home, instead she went grocery shopping for us and supplied us with a bunch of dinner stuff for after the baby was born.

We finally headed into the clinic around 9ish... I got into the tub, but my contractions pretty much stopped, so I got into the rocking chair for awhile. Around 9:40 I was laying down and things finally started to hurt a lot more so I got in the tub again. My back was hurting a lot, but there wasn't that cervical pressure (meaning the baby was still high). I figured by this point I was at least 6cm and we could do AROM (break my water) to speed things along. However when I was checked at 10pm... I was still only 4 cm... (I pretty sure I thought not nice words at this point, but just said 'lovely' and turned my back to everyone)... My midwife suggested I get in the shower and hold my belly up as I had a contractions... that along with some lunges immediately brought her down... and I had the "I need to poop" feeling! I sat on the toilet and told Joe to go away cause I couldn't 'go' with him in the room... With one push I realized something was coming out... I reached down and felt the bag of waters coming out... Joe quickly went and got my boss and the apprentice. I remember her saying "oh.... so we're going to do a toilet birth are we"... and I knew she really didn't want to (cause no midwife really likes the bathroom births... messy!) When on the next push the water didn't break she asked if I would like to move to the bed... (heck NO!)... but I moved... On the next contraction the apprentice did AROM and I really really wanted off my back, but I couldn't get two sentences together so I figured the only way to end the back pain was to get the baby out! By two more pushes out came the head... I waited for the body... but nothing! Seriously, I haven't pushed any of my baby's body's out... they always just slid out! So I pushed again and out she came! (Joe caught her)..They held her up for me to see the sex, but I couldn't see! All I heard was my boss say... "guess I was wrong"... and I knew she was a girl! (She was positive we were having a boy). We had decided beforehand to use 'active management' w/ a shot of pitocin since I had had a couple hemorrhages in the past. I will just mention that pit shots suck, but they work... out popped the placenta on the next contraction and very minimal bleeding... no tear and we were settled in for the night within a couple hours. So... from when I was checked at 10pm till baby out... 48 minutes! They told me the next morning I was actually only 7 when the apprentice did AROM... 81/2 w/ the next push and then baby out with the next... my boss said it's a good thing that my body cooperates since I'm not patient! hmmm... (I could argue that she never TOLD me I wasn't complete, but... whatever!)

So... anyway... our biggest baby yet arrived safe and sound! The kiddos came the next morning and met her before we headed home as a family.

So that's it!