Well.. this is it... I sit here in Mercy at my last shift... strangely enough until these past few moments my mind has stayed too busy to focus on the fact that this is it... it's ending... a new season is beginning... but how can one start a new season without giving credit and saying goodbye to the old? I have learned and grown so much in the past two years... I have caught 90 babies... I have assisted at countless others... wow... wow!!! I have had AMAZING supervisors who have generously poured into my life whom I will miss greatly! I will miss the women we serve and there sweet little babies... I will miss bumbling bana's who just want to help.... The sweet cry of a newborn baby... I just realized the other day that I won't be catching babies for awhile... no palpating big swollen bellies... no helping women as they journey through labor and find themselves strong enough to push through to the other side... Even the times when other circumstances factor in and they can't complete the journey here.... I'm honored to have been a part of their journey.... to offer some bit of support and mercy...
So yes... I will miss these women and I treasure the things I have learned.... but I am also ready to step into the next phase... where hopefully there will be more women w/ preggo bellies! This morning during worship at prenatals I was inspired out of the blue with how to set up the prenatals for the village women... I am super excited to have another piece in place (well at least in my mind its in place).
After a long day yesterday, Joe and the kids made it safe to Kihan (confirmed via text with the truck driver who drove the moving truck)....my last shift was supposed to be friday, but another midwife offered to take it so that I could surprise Joe early... so tomorrow morning bright and early I will take off on the motorcycle and drive, drive, drive... praying for clear skies and safe travels!!!
So I will sign off now... till someday again we have internet access!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Barely hangin on
You know those moments when your sanity is tested... that you stand at the edge of crazyville and have to conciously make the choice to NOT go nutso... yeah... that's pretty much been our life this past... oh month or so... Every time I think I can sit down and write about this or that... another thing tops it... and usually I am too exhausted by the end of the day to even think of getting on my computer.
Just to update of this past weekend...
We were supposed to leave on Friday... so on Thursday the truck was being loaded... but our jeep was having issues and had to go to the shop, I had to work, then we had an immigration appt at 3... We finally made it to our immigration appt while guys loaded the truck and women furiousiuosly packed those 'last few boxes'... that usually end up like the last 20 boxes!! Anyway... we waited... and waited... and finally at 4:30 they said... sorry.. come back tomorrow... We had to have these last things signed off so that when I leave the country in a few weeks we are able to leave.... and return... so... we made a quick phone call and the guys started unloading the truck... by the time we arrived home all the neighborhood kids had pitched in to help unload (they were hoping we had changed our mind and were staying). So the truck wasn't available again until monday... we had literally nothing in the house... no food, no utensils... toothbrushes and one spare outfit... So... we've pretty much survived on eating out twice a day... we were blessed to eat dinner one night with the dorm girls and another at friends of ours... other than that... fast food all the way (fast food is a totally different experience in this country... food is to go in plastic bags and it's usually chicken and rice). Anyway.. we've survived that... and then we've had a disaster of a house because our landlord decided that RIGHT before we moved out would be a great time to treat tear the walls apart and treat for termites... except her termite guys stole from us (kinda hard to blame others when you're the ONLY one in the house)... anyway... so they left a mess... then our landlord keeps wanting to walk contractors through the house while commenting the whole time what a mess the house is... (can you tell my patience is wearing very very thin...) Anyway... yesterday I noticed that the puppies were getting ringworm from the mama dog... so I decided to treat the mom with oral meds and hope that the meds that went through to the pups would help them (the vet and I had discussed it and we decided to just monitor the pups and at the first sign of weakness or not tolerating it well... we would stop)... well... I woke to 2 dead pups and before breakfast was over there was another one... at this point we expect the rest to die... slightly pessimistic... but hey... we're really, really tired of dealing with animals dying... In Alaska NOTHING grows... cause it's so stinking COLD... fleas are even a rarity.... but here... fleas are the least of your concerns... every fungus, infection, etc... grows like wildfire overnight... blah....
So... there is more... so so much more... but I will stop there before it becomes a whine fest... because in honesty... this morning when I got up God showed me clearly that today would be a challenge and the choice to have a good attitude or not would lie with me.... and trust me... today it feels like a HUGE choice... I can't say that I've managed it every second of the day... (I have to say that my hungry belly was NOT happy that most restraunts, even ones that serve breakfast, don't open till 10!)... anyway... but we are surviving.. and knowing that patience builds character... right?...
Friday, July 10, 2009
Joe n the kids made it home on Wed our time... Levi had a high fever, Joziah had stomach pains... after dinner and bedding down... Joziah started the throwing up... Levi's fever climbed... welcome back to motherhood.... poor Joe had been dealing with it out in Kihan all week... said that at one point Tyler's fever climbed so high it almost felt like it burned his arm to put it up against him. Tonia and Sam didn't get the illness... apparently growing up for the first few years of your life in Africa gives you a strong immune system as they never seem to get sick! The original plan was for Joe and the kids to return to Kihan on Saturday... but understandably... Joe is wiped... in between sick kids they had to haul water from about a mile away (think of all those puked towels and no water...) He also had to shop for the daily provisions while trying to figure out what boxes held what (our helpers idea of 'labeling' boxes was to write... "kitchen" or "CR"... not really what's IN the box)... oh well. Anyway... so Joe n the fam are staying for the week so we can get all are t's crossed and such... have our last stuff to do at immigration... etc...etc... the list never seems to end. Such is life right?
Needless to say we go to bed each night exhausted and wake up wishing it wasn't quite so early... I would like my son Tyler's energy... he's up every morning by 6:30... rarin to annoy... ahem.. I mean go... :P
Thanks so much for your prayers and encouraging words... God bless!
Needless to say we go to bed each night exhausted and wake up wishing it wasn't quite so early... I would like my son Tyler's energy... he's up every morning by 6:30... rarin to annoy... ahem.. I mean go... :P
Thanks so much for your prayers and encouraging words... God bless!
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Quick update
Well I could ramble on and on about this and that since I love to talk and this whole living by myself thing is somewhat of torture... me... keep my thoughts to myself!! Yikes! But I figured maybe God is teaching me something through this whole thing (no internet, no availability to talk to Joe, no one home)... and so I will not ramble (well anymore than I already am)... and just say that after 4 days of not having contact I was able to chat with Joe and let him know that he needed to gather the kiddos and return to Davao so we can get our last paperwork finished at immigration.... I'm pretty sure this whole no cell service out there is gonna be pretty hard to swallow... not so much when we're all out there together, but especially when I'm in the states and he's here... :( Praying for a solution...
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Along those lines...
This quote I stole from a fellow missionary in Haiti's blog... (just so I give proper source credit!)
I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it for I shall not pass this way again.
~Quaker saying
I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it for I shall not pass this way again.
~Quaker saying
Doing better
Amazing what a bit of sleep and some food will do for your outlook on life! I'm feeling much better... not quite to my normal bubbly personality (snort)... but getting there! haha...
Currently there is no internet at my house... no real food to speak of (unless you count the rabbits and chickens as potential food)... so I grab bites to eat at the market or McD (very healthy)... or the girls are always good to feed me when I'm on shift (bless them)! But... I really don't think of myself as having it hard at all... the area we are moving to has been w/o water for a week now... they have to go down and haul their water up to their area of the village... food gathering is a daily task... no fridge to dig through for leftovers... and certainly no McD's to run to in an emergency.... just food for thought... what do we think of as necessities (toilet, water, food, Walmart... ;) Some days when I want to just go home and live in a nice neighborhood with a white picket fence (ok... so those who know me know I would never want to do that... but you know... )... anyway... I think to myself... if just a tiny bit our presence will help these people... then its worth it. Whether it be through the clinic or the fish ponds or the rabbits... just bringing a few 'necessities' to this area will change their outlook... I can barely survive a week on very little sleep, very little food and manual labor.... I can't think about anything but my immediate needs... well imagine that is your life... daily... there is never any hope for change.... I can't imagine that I would be so inclined to try to plan a better future or have much hope....
People wonder how come in poor areas of the world people have a 'hand/mouth' mentaility... they can't see the benifit of making a garden, of weeding it, of taking care of it... so that in 6 months it will produce food for them.... they need food now... not in 6 months...
AnYwAys..... heavy thinking... that's what happens when I'm by myself!!!! Nothing to do but think, pray and sleep! hahaa... or something like that!
Keep your prayers coming... Joe just text that he and a couple of the younger kids have a bad flu bug... no fun!!!
Currently there is no internet at my house... no real food to speak of (unless you count the rabbits and chickens as potential food)... so I grab bites to eat at the market or McD (very healthy)... or the girls are always good to feed me when I'm on shift (bless them)! But... I really don't think of myself as having it hard at all... the area we are moving to has been w/o water for a week now... they have to go down and haul their water up to their area of the village... food gathering is a daily task... no fridge to dig through for leftovers... and certainly no McD's to run to in an emergency.... just food for thought... what do we think of as necessities (toilet, water, food, Walmart... ;) Some days when I want to just go home and live in a nice neighborhood with a white picket fence (ok... so those who know me know I would never want to do that... but you know... )... anyway... I think to myself... if just a tiny bit our presence will help these people... then its worth it. Whether it be through the clinic or the fish ponds or the rabbits... just bringing a few 'necessities' to this area will change their outlook... I can barely survive a week on very little sleep, very little food and manual labor.... I can't think about anything but my immediate needs... well imagine that is your life... daily... there is never any hope for change.... I can't imagine that I would be so inclined to try to plan a better future or have much hope....
People wonder how come in poor areas of the world people have a 'hand/mouth' mentaility... they can't see the benifit of making a garden, of weeding it, of taking care of it... so that in 6 months it will produce food for them.... they need food now... not in 6 months...
AnYwAys..... heavy thinking... that's what happens when I'm by myself!!!! Nothing to do but think, pray and sleep! hahaa... or something like that!
Keep your prayers coming... Joe just text that he and a couple of the younger kids have a bad flu bug... no fun!!!
Friday, July 3, 2009
Fear stinks...0
I contemplating not writing on this blog even though I was somewhere with internet availability... but then I thought... why not? People should know what its like... the feelings we deal with are the same things others deal with.... right? I did at least temper my title... it was gonna use a much stronger word... lol...
So... why wouldn't I write? I'm pretty emotional at the moment... in fact, enough so that I finally hit my personal wall today....
I've been thinking a lot about fears lately... how everyone has them and it's just what we do with them (either participate in the fear or leave it in God's hands)... but of course understanding this and practicing this is always two seperate things right? Especially because fear likes to sneak in when we are down and tired... just plain exhausted.... I've actually been struggling with little fears here and there, but have always been able to give them to God... but then with the move, the sale of our house, packing, figuring out vehicles, figuring out back and forths, etc... it just got worse. We transferred our stuff out to Kihan this week... I won't go into it, just to say it was QUITE the ordeal getting it all over the river (which is currently running high)... I almost didn't end up going since I have a continuity that had been having preruns at labor... but finally headed out (the decision that I was going wasn't made till 5:40 am...we left at 7)...
There is currently no water on in the area of the village we are living in due to a broken pipe from the resevoir... which meant for a LOT of water hauling, the guys worked till late trying to get the sink put together, a bug flew in my ear and woke me up (it was freaky), couldn't sleep after that, chickens crowed all night, Brian woke up throwing up, Joziah at one point the next day was so constipated he couldnt' stand up straight, figuring out w/ village kids what the rules will be with the kids bikes (imagine 200plus kids wanting to ride 6 bikes)!.... Went shopping at the market in the nearest city, got food for the gang, washed clothes by hand, set up furniture, said goodbyes and headed back to the city.... I arrived in Davao a little after 10pm... got keys to my house, headed inside, checked on things, sat down to check email... got a text from my continuity saying she was headed to Mercy in labor... tried to get the motorcycle over the narrow board over the sewer... almost dropped the bike in the sewer, pulled a muscle in my leg pulling with all my might so it wouldn't fall in (I'm not sure if I would have gone fishing)... Decided to walk to work (it's late...) Arrive after my gal and check her in... 3 cm... but high BP... we worked on that and she finally went home a bit before 1am... I decided to sleep at the dorm since it was closer... listened to the hustle and bustle of the clinic all night (you can hear EVERYTHING).... got a text at 5am from my cont coming back... Checked her in... 5-6cm... but very high BP now... IV inserted, changed positions, finally BP came down... Lots more intesting issues I won't go into about the labor... finally transported at 4pm.... she still 6cm... can barely walk from my leg hurting (both from the strained muscle and the nice blood clot from the traveling)... trying to work on paperwork for the sale of our house... watching my dog who is starting to look like maybe HER labor is beginning! Still need to feed animals and SLEEP!
Really... I was at a point today of letting fear overwhelm me... fear for the safety of my kids (like somehow me being there would protect them), fears of not being enough, of not 'getting it right', of ..... etc....etc.... To top it off Joe also had a rough day taking the kids to town to run errands... I know in my head that it's all just temporary and new... but it still stinks...
But then I sat here and started just praying... praying that God would take my fears and turn them for his glory... that people could see HIM through our daily lives... Cause really... let's be honest... sometime LIFE SUCKS!.... but you know what? GOD is ALWAYS good.... ALL the time! And best of all... even when we feel down and depressed and like quitting... all we have to do is ask for that peace and then sit still and wait... it comes like a gentle breeze.... feel it??... I do!
So... why wouldn't I write? I'm pretty emotional at the moment... in fact, enough so that I finally hit my personal wall today....
I've been thinking a lot about fears lately... how everyone has them and it's just what we do with them (either participate in the fear or leave it in God's hands)... but of course understanding this and practicing this is always two seperate things right? Especially because fear likes to sneak in when we are down and tired... just plain exhausted.... I've actually been struggling with little fears here and there, but have always been able to give them to God... but then with the move, the sale of our house, packing, figuring out vehicles, figuring out back and forths, etc... it just got worse. We transferred our stuff out to Kihan this week... I won't go into it, just to say it was QUITE the ordeal getting it all over the river (which is currently running high)... I almost didn't end up going since I have a continuity that had been having preruns at labor... but finally headed out (the decision that I was going wasn't made till 5:40 am...we left at 7)...
There is currently no water on in the area of the village we are living in due to a broken pipe from the resevoir... which meant for a LOT of water hauling, the guys worked till late trying to get the sink put together, a bug flew in my ear and woke me up (it was freaky), couldn't sleep after that, chickens crowed all night, Brian woke up throwing up, Joziah at one point the next day was so constipated he couldnt' stand up straight, figuring out w/ village kids what the rules will be with the kids bikes (imagine 200plus kids wanting to ride 6 bikes)!.... Went shopping at the market in the nearest city, got food for the gang, washed clothes by hand, set up furniture, said goodbyes and headed back to the city.... I arrived in Davao a little after 10pm... got keys to my house, headed inside, checked on things, sat down to check email... got a text from my continuity saying she was headed to Mercy in labor... tried to get the motorcycle over the narrow board over the sewer... almost dropped the bike in the sewer, pulled a muscle in my leg pulling with all my might so it wouldn't fall in (I'm not sure if I would have gone fishing)... Decided to walk to work (it's late...) Arrive after my gal and check her in... 3 cm... but high BP... we worked on that and she finally went home a bit before 1am... I decided to sleep at the dorm since it was closer... listened to the hustle and bustle of the clinic all night (you can hear EVERYTHING).... got a text at 5am from my cont coming back... Checked her in... 5-6cm... but very high BP now... IV inserted, changed positions, finally BP came down... Lots more intesting issues I won't go into about the labor... finally transported at 4pm.... she still 6cm... can barely walk from my leg hurting (both from the strained muscle and the nice blood clot from the traveling)... trying to work on paperwork for the sale of our house... watching my dog who is starting to look like maybe HER labor is beginning! Still need to feed animals and SLEEP!
Really... I was at a point today of letting fear overwhelm me... fear for the safety of my kids (like somehow me being there would protect them), fears of not being enough, of not 'getting it right', of ..... etc....etc.... To top it off Joe also had a rough day taking the kids to town to run errands... I know in my head that it's all just temporary and new... but it still stinks...
But then I sat here and started just praying... praying that God would take my fears and turn them for his glory... that people could see HIM through our daily lives... Cause really... let's be honest... sometime LIFE SUCKS!.... but you know what? GOD is ALWAYS good.... ALL the time! And best of all... even when we feel down and depressed and like quitting... all we have to do is ask for that peace and then sit still and wait... it comes like a gentle breeze.... feel it??... I do!
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