Wow... life in America is SO fast paced! May has flown by and I'm not sure what happened, but I know June is fast approaching! Since May sped by... I will just speed through some highlights of the month.
-Joe worked down in S. Anchorage for a week... it was a good job, but nice to have him home!
-His business seems to be taking off pretty well... busy is good, right?
-I got a job at a local birth center and have begun my training there. We're doing a trial run for the summer and then if it's a good fit then I'll join the staff full time.
-I have been continuing to LOooonG paper trail to get my AK midwifery license.... blah is how I feel about it at this moment... seems just when I think I'm close....
-Kids 'summer' activities are in full swing. Tonia continues w/ her horse riding lessons (meaning mom runs her to and from the barn frequently)... Joziah is loving boy scouts and I am sure when I pick him up from his first camp out today he will have many adventures to tell me. This campout was just an overnight, but he is scheduled for an 8 day outing this summer... it'll be his first time camping w/o family/friends!
-We took a week break this past week from school, and I'm sure it will take me this week to switch over into our new curriculum, but hoping to start back to school in a week or two... (I'm sure the kids are thrilled... lol)
-Joe left today for another week... this one isn't paid though (DARN)... but his little sis is graduating from high school and he is bringing her back w/ him to live w/ us for awhile. It'll be a HUGE help to have a live in sitter! Relieves a bit of pressure from Joe and I to be sure!
-The baby continues to grow... though I get told I am tiny for my gestational age... (bless those people!)... but working around midwives constantly... they don't cut me any slack w/ eating/drinking healthy!! I've had to resort to sneaking my peanut m&m's at night! :)
Well that's the update for now... I actually have a camera on my phone... I just have to figure out how to load them to here!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Ah the joys of being pregnant!
I was having one of those moments tonight where I was reflecting on how good God is... and how he meets each NEED we have just at the right moment... and I felt happy... happy enough that I almost cried! lol... I used to say that God planned so many children for me because the only time I cried was when I was pregnant! lol... maybe so...
Updates on our ever chaotic life...
Joe is getting his business off the ground... making 'just' enough to pay the necessary bills at the moment... but at least our needs are being met!
I made some really good contacts for midwifery... so hopefully will get back in that scene sometime soon...
I am waiting ONE document to be able to finish up my midwifery licensure for Texas... praying it comes before my CPR expires and I have to take another class!!!
Kids are loving all their extra curricular activites... I'm realizing why American moms are so exhausted!!!... (running children to their various activities!)
On a random side note... my 5 yr old just made our 14 wk old (and 50+ lb) Mastiff puppy lay down on command! lol...
And then our 7 yr old teased her w/ his stuffed bear... yeah... that'll be toast by tomorrow! (I TOLD them NOT to tease the dog w/ their stuffed animals! ;P)
I am listening to my children ready themselves for bed at the moment... and I love how each child knows what the OTHER child is supposed to be doing, yet amazingly forgets what THEIR task is! hmmm... guess I should go dictate!
Updates on our ever chaotic life...
Joe is getting his business off the ground... making 'just' enough to pay the necessary bills at the moment... but at least our needs are being met!
I made some really good contacts for midwifery... so hopefully will get back in that scene sometime soon...
I am waiting ONE document to be able to finish up my midwifery licensure for Texas... praying it comes before my CPR expires and I have to take another class!!!
Kids are loving all their extra curricular activites... I'm realizing why American moms are so exhausted!!!... (running children to their various activities!)
On a random side note... my 5 yr old just made our 14 wk old (and 50+ lb) Mastiff puppy lay down on command! lol...
And then our 7 yr old teased her w/ his stuffed bear... yeah... that'll be toast by tomorrow! (I TOLD them NOT to tease the dog w/ their stuffed animals! ;P)
I am listening to my children ready themselves for bed at the moment... and I love how each child knows what the OTHER child is supposed to be doing, yet amazingly forgets what THEIR task is! hmmm... guess I should go dictate!
Sunday, May 2, 2010
How great is our God?
We have been doing a study at church on being fearless..... of course we all have fears we know about... but really this is about all the fears that lie in the undercurrent, the ones that maybe we don't really acknowledge, never the less they control many aspects of our lives.
Most people who know Joe and I would describe us as pretty fearless... bugs, snakes, living in the jungle... that's all good with us. However... fear has gained control in many areas of my life over the past several years, and it's been an interesting process of revelation and healing.
Awhile back, right after adopting our two kids... slowly a fear crept into my life without me even realizing it... it was a fear of what others think of me. Of course we all have a little bit of that fear in our lives, but this one started becoming bigger and bigger, even being a driving force in my life.... like a tapeworm it was sucking all the nutrition from me (ok, you get the picture)... While this fear grew bigger, so did other fears... (ever notice how that happens?) Once while in counseling in High School, my counselor pointed out to me that I had a perfectionist mentality... I of course had to disagree as I am one of the most disorganized people I know! But it wasn't in the normal way...it was more that I expected absolute perfection of myself in relationships, in meeting other peoples expectations. Of course we can't always meet others expectations, because people are people... and they WILL fail us. However knowing this mentally doesn't always solve the inward driving force inside.
So needless to say, between caring way to much what other people think and striving to meet other peoples expectation... Stress began taking over.... Then to not be able to meet leaders expectations, relationships seeming to fail and being flat out told you are a failure... it kinda shook my world. I came back feeling confused, abandoned, rejected, etc... Where was God in all this mess anyway?! Shame became a seemingly constant companion... shame when I used my food stamps card, shame to ask my sister for help to pay the bills until we got on our feet, even shame that I drive a piece of junk car instead of the nice ones we used to). I was even angry at God... angry that we had given up everything to serve Him, and feeling that we got gyped in return...
Then several weeks ago at church the speaker was admitting his own struggles in the past w/ dibilitating fears... and as each week has gone on and we have delved deeper and deeper into overcoming our fears, I have realized these fears that had taken over my life. And with the realization of the fears, has also come the realization of all the far reaching effects of these fears. I no longer am as open and trusting with new people, I no longer think of the good in people first, I tend to be more stern with my kids and less likely to just have fun... most of all the joy that I've always tended to have for life (my passion and zeal) seemed to have just been sucked right out of me.
Lately I've been thinking and studying... just how great is God anyway? And realizing that He is only limited in my own mind of putting him in a 'box'... of thinking that I have to somehow 'perform' to get his blessings... when in reality, I am only 'performing' for man, which of course brings no satisfaction, only more guilt and shame when we cannot meet everyones expectations all the time. Wouldn't it be awesome to just be free of worrying about man's expectations , to get rid of that as the motivating factor in our lives and only be driven by our love and passion for Christ and EVERYTHING that HE is!?
Phew! It's a lot to think about... peoples lives could be radically changed by this revelation... don't you think? I know mine is....
Sorry if this has confused you, sometimes I still feel confused... but I still stand on the faith that God WILL be faithful and we will see the otherside!
Be Blessed!
Most people who know Joe and I would describe us as pretty fearless... bugs, snakes, living in the jungle... that's all good with us. However... fear has gained control in many areas of my life over the past several years, and it's been an interesting process of revelation and healing.
Awhile back, right after adopting our two kids... slowly a fear crept into my life without me even realizing it... it was a fear of what others think of me. Of course we all have a little bit of that fear in our lives, but this one started becoming bigger and bigger, even being a driving force in my life.... like a tapeworm it was sucking all the nutrition from me (ok, you get the picture)... While this fear grew bigger, so did other fears... (ever notice how that happens?) Once while in counseling in High School, my counselor pointed out to me that I had a perfectionist mentality... I of course had to disagree as I am one of the most disorganized people I know! But it wasn't in the normal way...it was more that I expected absolute perfection of myself in relationships, in meeting other peoples expectations. Of course we can't always meet others expectations, because people are people... and they WILL fail us. However knowing this mentally doesn't always solve the inward driving force inside.
So needless to say, between caring way to much what other people think and striving to meet other peoples expectation... Stress began taking over.... Then to not be able to meet leaders expectations, relationships seeming to fail and being flat out told you are a failure... it kinda shook my world. I came back feeling confused, abandoned, rejected, etc... Where was God in all this mess anyway?! Shame became a seemingly constant companion... shame when I used my food stamps card, shame to ask my sister for help to pay the bills until we got on our feet, even shame that I drive a piece of junk car instead of the nice ones we used to). I was even angry at God... angry that we had given up everything to serve Him, and feeling that we got gyped in return...
Then several weeks ago at church the speaker was admitting his own struggles in the past w/ dibilitating fears... and as each week has gone on and we have delved deeper and deeper into overcoming our fears, I have realized these fears that had taken over my life. And with the realization of the fears, has also come the realization of all the far reaching effects of these fears. I no longer am as open and trusting with new people, I no longer think of the good in people first, I tend to be more stern with my kids and less likely to just have fun... most of all the joy that I've always tended to have for life (my passion and zeal) seemed to have just been sucked right out of me.
Lately I've been thinking and studying... just how great is God anyway? And realizing that He is only limited in my own mind of putting him in a 'box'... of thinking that I have to somehow 'perform' to get his blessings... when in reality, I am only 'performing' for man, which of course brings no satisfaction, only more guilt and shame when we cannot meet everyones expectations all the time. Wouldn't it be awesome to just be free of worrying about man's expectations , to get rid of that as the motivating factor in our lives and only be driven by our love and passion for Christ and EVERYTHING that HE is!?
Phew! It's a lot to think about... peoples lives could be radically changed by this revelation... don't you think? I know mine is....
Sorry if this has confused you, sometimes I still feel confused... but I still stand on the faith that God WILL be faithful and we will see the otherside!
Be Blessed!
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